


Watering Plastic Plants in the Hopes That They'll Grow

by domtommo



Series: It's Only When it Rains, That We Grow [6]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - BDSM, Caning, Dom Magnus Bane, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, Sub Alec Lightwood, Switch Jace Wayland, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2020-10-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:48:39
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,084
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26805376
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/domtommo/pseuds/domtommo
Summary: Somedays he’s running on empty because he’s barely been at home the past week because the full moon is out and the lunatics run amuck in the town he swore to protect. Those days all the pressure of being a Lightwood and Head of The Institute came crashing down on him and the pressure kept rising and rising all he wanted, needed was just a fucking second to himself and-
Relationships: Magnus Bane/Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Series: It's Only When it Rains, That We Grow [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1718923
Comments: 10
Kudos: 198





	Watering Plastic Plants in the Hopes That They'll Grow

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nadja_Lee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/gifts).



> One of the reasons I see Alec as a sub is because I think he feels like the world is on his shoulders, this story touches on that and how he copes.
> 
> I wasn't intending to write this story for a bit, but then I decided I had to write it and gift it to Nadja_Lee, who wasn't having the bestest day either but never fails to push through. I knew I wanted this to apart of this series to shine a light on how their dynamics would work with Alec's self-harming tendencies, I just wasn't sure if I could write it well, but somehow this all spilled out in a day and I was still pretty proud of it!
> 
> So to Nadja, I hope you enjoy this before you take names and kick ass!!
> 
> Thanks everyone for keeping up with this series, it means so much to me <3
> 
> Em

Somedays Alec wakes up surrounded by the two men he loved most in his life, his soulmate, and the love of his life. And on those days he gets to ignore the morning sun peeking through the windows, gets to pretend that the world around them isn’t burning down in flames and it’s okay that all his responsibilities take a back seat. Those mornings he gets to pull the covers back over his head tuck his nose into one of his boyfriend’s necks and just enjoy the feeling of  _ being. _

Then sometimes he has bad days. 

Somedays he’s running on empty because he’s barely been at home the past week, because the full moon is out and the lunatics run amuck in the town he swore to protect. Those days all the pressure of being a Lightwood and Head of The Institute came crashing down on him and the pressure kept rising and rising all he wanted,  _ needed _ was just a fucking second to himself and-

“Mr. Lightwood? The report from the attack in Queens?” A small Asian girl approached him on his way out of Ops. He clenched his jaw and took the report, thanking her before hurrying off, pissed that he couldn’t even think about a break without getting interrupted.

On his way out of Ops, he flips through the file knowing that this specific mission he was supposed to go on, but had to withdraw when there was a political mess (again) on the Canadian border. He had been told that the hunters involved all came back in one piece, but not without injuries. He’s flicking through the file when he sees who his replacement was and takes off in a sprint to the medical bay.

There on one of the gurneys is Izzy, her pant leg torn in half and a long slice along her calf, the evidence of a few burnt iratzes decorating her skin. 

“Iz, what the hell happened?” He breathed out rushing over to check the damage, kneeling and pulling back torn leather from the blood. 

The girl rolls her eyes and shoos Alec away, “I’m fine, big brother, a claw got me is all. Medics say I’ll be out by tonight.” Despite her trying to reassure him, Alec immediately felt bad, knowing that if he hadn’t stepped back Izzy wouldn’t have gone or gotten hurt. Or he should’ve at least been on the mission to look out for her and god he can’t do  _ anything  _ right today-

He tries to swallow around the lump in his throat, “I’m glad you’re okay, at least take it easy tomorrow, for my sake?”

She leans over and presses a kiss to his cheek, “I will, as long as you promise you’re not going to blame yourself for this.”

He hates how well she knows him, so to avoid further questioning he gives her a quick nod and makes his getaway. As he’s walking through the halls he feels his heart starting to race and his palms sweat. He’s clenching and unclenching his fists, but he knows there are too many people watching him right now to see him break down. 

So when no one is looking he ducks into the stairwell and heads to the roof.

As he walks around in circle he knows he should call someone, one of his boyfriends, Izzy, hell _ Clary _ , just  _ fucking anyone.  _ But the itch to just shoot off a few arrows to calm his nerves  _ and feel something  _ takes over and the next thing he knows he’s unglamouring his bow and shooting a target.

He  _ swears _ he only wanted to shoot a few, just enough to take the edge off and feel the burn on his fingers, to make up for fucking up their relations with Canada, to make up for not being able to protect Izzy, to break through his haze of having only gotten five hours of sleep these past two and a half days.

The arrows soar through the night, each one getting only that much further away from the target, frustrating him to no end. _ As if he needed another thing to be pissed about tonight.  _

When he reaches back he can feel blood dripping down his fingers as he fumbles for the last few arrows in his quiver. He growls in annoyance at the sting and pushes down on the cuts, letting the pain break through this tense wall around him. He stumbles a little and has to catch onto the railing for support, and when he looks up he sees the bright golden eyes of his Parabatai staring back at him. 

The moment between the two is electrifying, Alec holding his breath as he meets his boyfriend’s eyes. There he can see a flash of disappointment and something along the lines of guilt or pity, and it makes his stomach drop. 

Jace crosses his arms and sets his jaw, giving Alec a look that made him want to drop to his knees. “Do you wanna tell me what’s going on? Think twice if you plan on lying to me.”

He not so subtly tries to hide his injured fingers behind his back, hoping that Jace will believe he just needed a breather. But then the thought of lying to his Parabatai turned boyfriend makes him feel queasy, knowing that Jace can read him like an open book and it really would just be a slap to the face if he tried. 

Dropping his head he tries to take in a deep breath and calm his erratic heartbeat, “I had a bad day. I needed to take care of it.”

Another beat of silence floats between them. 

Jace uncrosses his arms and rubs at his temples, “I think we need to have this conversation with Magnus. Do you think you’re stable enough for a portal or should we start walking?”

At the mention of their dominant Alec winces, knowing the older man would have more than just a few words for him, “I’m okay for a portal.” 

The blonde nods and pulls out his phone, not saying anything to Magnus other than their location.

Moments later, sparks of blue come to life, and Jace comes around to lead him through it with a hand on the small of his back, it was the first bit of warmth to break through to him all day and he couldn’t help but lean into it.

He’s welcomed by the smell of cinnamon wafting throughout the loft, wrapping him in a coat of comfort. The second they step out of the portal, Jace has cuffed a hand on the back of his neck, immediately grounding him and making his mark flare to life. “I’m going to go tell Magnus what’s going on. I need you to go get undressed into something more comfortable, and when you’re done I want you to find a spot on the wall and keep your forehead pressed against it, do you understand me?”

_ Orders.  _

Orders he could do. Orders and rules and structure made things easy, made things black and white so that he couldn’t fuck up.

“Yes, Parabatai… Thank you.” He mumbles and has to fight the urge to stay there pressed under Jace’s weight. As he makes his way to the room he can hear the soft mumbling of his boyfriends conversing, but tells himself he can’t get off track with thinking about anything else except Jace’s orders.

So he undresses and slips on Magnus’ sweats and Jace’s shirt and finds a spot on the wall to lean against. As he fidgets, he feels the wrapped gauze pulled taut over his finger, still pressing on the fresh cuts to feel the pain. He takes a deep breath and counts backward from ten, forcing his mind to settle.

The headspace he gets into isn’t a common one, it’s nothing like his subspace or even the headspace he gets into for scenes. No both of those he feels calm, relaxed, knowing he can place every fiber in his body into the loving hands of his boyfriends.

No, this headspace was a bit different. This one was more chaotic, too aware of his surroundings instead of blocking them out. This one was forcing himself to drown out the loud words and the flashes of anxiety filtering in, only doing so because he’s been given orders and the last thing on earth he wants to do right now is disappointing them further.

*

As soon as the door had closed, Jace had relayed everything to Magnus. How he had found Izzy in medical and she had told him to keep an eye on Alec. How he told her everything was fine because the bond was quiet. But it had been too quiet after some time and some pain had started to filter through, a dull numbing one on his hands that he knew all too well. 

“How do you want to go about this?” Magnus asks leaning against the kitchen counter with his arms crossed, face hard in contemplation.

Jace looked surprised at Magnus’ question, he was so used to looking at his dominant for all the answers of the universe, and he had simply assumed Magnus would know what to do and handle it himself.

Seemingly understanding his confusion, Magnus continued. “This isn’t the first time this has happened, I’ll admit. But this is the first time you’re experiencing it with us, and since you found him, I think ultimately how this plays out is up to you. Now I can tell you what we did previously if that might help?”

The blond swallows hard, “It would… But whatever we do, can you stay in the room with us? I hate to admit it but I’m not too confident I can handle this all on my own for the first time.” Jace doesn’t think he’s ever said those words out loud about anything, but then again this was Alec, and everything was different when it came to Alec.

Magnus gives a tight smile and bows his head, “I’m inclined to agree with you. It doesn’t happen often but when it does, I think it’s important you know how to help.”

*

Both hunters are feeling a feedback loop of nervous energy as the two dominants step into the room. They both can see that Alec has calmed his breathing, and it’s the only indication he gives of being ready.

“Alexander? Can you come here please? I’d like to have a few words with you before we get started.”

The boy in question pulls away from the wall, not ready to leave his little bubble of solitude but obeys nonetheless. He comes to stand in front of Magnus, pressing on the spot between his forefinger and thumb.

“I understand you had a bad day today. Can you tell me the details please?”

Despite him asking, Alec knows it’s not really a question.

So with a deep breath, he tells him, tells him all the shitty things that happened and how he’s so  _ fucking  _ tired of it all. “It’s like there’s this itchy feeling under my skin and I can’t get it and it keeps building and building.” He whispers, trying so hard not to let the threatening tears fall.

Once his rant is over he spares a glance to both his boyfriends, Magnus looks contemplative while Jace just looks hurt. None of them are able to move, rooted to the ground to try and think of the next thing to do and the anticipation is killing him.

Magnus is the first to break it, clearing his throat and looking over to Jace and back to Alec, “Alexander, I think Jace here should take charge of this tonight. That being said I’m going to tell you how this will all play out. I’ve made a call to your sister and Underhill to let both of them know you’ll be staying home tomorrow, and do not try and argue that with me.”

Normally he would argue, argue that Magnus would have no idea what his agenda is like tomorrow and have no right to clearing it without checking with him first. But he also knows that Magnus would only ever do what’s best for him, and he can’t help but agree that he needs a day off.

“Tonight however it’s obvious you’re wearing thin as is, so first you will come and eat dinner because as much as you know I hate it, I’m sure you skipped lunch today.”

He had.

“Following dinner, you and I will take a bath so you can settle into a better headspace than this one, and only after and with my presence will Jace deal with the events that transpired today. Can you give me your color?

The agenda sounded  _ perfect. _ Everything Alec needed to get out of his head and finally deal with the ball of guilt that has settled into his stomach.

“Green, Sir,  _ please.” _ He whimpers leaning into the hand that Magnus cups around his cheek. 

“Alright sweetheart, we’ll give you what you need.” He mumbles and just like that the two dominants are snapped into action. Magnus presses a gentle kiss to his lips while Jace comes around and undresses him, peeling away the layers of clothing, shedding the first layer of stress along with it.

He feels the echoes of the screams finally start to drown out and his shoulders droop the slightest bit. He raises his legs when told to discard his pants and winces a little when Jace ghosts a hand over his bulge. “None of that Parabatai, Mags, and I agreed no orgasms are happening tonight.” He mumbles and kisses the shell of his ear. 

Once he’s stripped, save for his briefs, Jace starts to bind his hands behind his back carefully avoiding the gauze on his fingers. The motion of the repeating circles lulls him into security, glad to be able to have something tangible to ground himself with. Just as Jace tightens the knot, ensures it’s loose enough that it won’t cut off his circulation, and checks his color, Magnus comes back in his view. 

In the warlock’s hand sits something they only bring out every so often, a black collar, adorned with protective runes and the initials of both his lovers.

_ He loves his collar. _

This collar isn’t his permanent one however, both he and Jace have been told by Magnus that this collar was for training purposes only. Since collars in their society were seen as a status symbol, they would both have to earn their collar, just as Magnus had to earn his right to collar them.

Hearing the lock click into place almost makes him want to drop to his knees then and there, and he wholeheartedly believes it’s only cause Jace is holding him up behind him that he doesn’t.

“Almost done darling, I’m going to attach your leash now alright? You will follow and only kneel on your pillow, I don’t want you hurting your knees.” He instructs and moves forward to attach it to his collar.

“Green, thank you, Sir, thank you Parabatai.” Having his boyfriends by his side and taking care of him like this almost makes up for the shitty week completely.

Feeling a tug on his collar, he starts to follow the leash, letting Magnus guide him with Jace keeping a hand on his lower back. They led him to the kitchen, where the table is set for two and a pillow on the ground next to each chair.

Being fed by his dominants was not something he typically craved in a normal scene, but in this headspace, after this week, all he wants is to be taken care of. He’s a little too giddy for his own liking when he makes his way over to one of the pillows, and carefully lowers himself down until his knees rest. Magnus takes a seat above him and snaps his fingers, the dishes of food he made floats through their and settles onto the table. 

He sinks into the cushion below him and while he hears both of them speaking, the noise drowns out. Every minute a hand drops down to him with food in the palm, and he makes sure he licks his clean each time. 

Despite drowning out the noises, Magnus pulls back to pet his hair, “Go on over to Jace, darling, he’s going to feed you the rest.” He places Alec’s leash in his mouth and once he’s on all fours he gives his bottom a soft pat as he makes his way to Jace.

The blonde boy pets his hair gently, dropping a kiss as he settles down into the pillow by his feet. Jace repeats the same motions as Magnus, and it brings him into a way better space than he was before and even leans against his legs a little.

Once dinner is done, Jace is in charge of doing the dishes, and he doesn’t hear much but from his place on the ground, he sees Magnus lean in and whisper something before pressing a kiss to his temple.

Magnus then turns his attention to him and takes the leash back, standing him up and leading him back into the main bedroom’s suite. 

There Magnus unleashes and unties him but leaves the collar on, having him undress while blue smoke makes the tub fill, letting the smell of lavender drift through the room. The calming scent has an almost immediate effect on him, and he waits patiently till the other is naked before they slip into the bath together. He’s maneuvered around so that his back is pressed up against Magnus’ chest, and the warlock is letting skilled and delicate fingers rub his tense muscles.

Knots and tension unravel under his magical fingertips, the stress of the week finally disappearing and curling into the solid body behind him.

“You know Alexander, we have rules and procedures when it comes to this,” Magnus mumbles against his skin. He tenses up a little knowing what comes next.

“When this happened the first time we were together, we created a plan, a plan that includes you coming to me if you needed help. And when Jace came along we agreed that you would be honest with him about these things as well. I’m not mad, I just want to understand what happened today, why Jace had to find out for himself and tell me.”

Alec stares at the bubbles surrounding them hoping that they could tell him an answer that would keep him out of the most trouble.

“I thought I could handle it on my own.” He eventually whispers. “I thought I was just tired and stressed.”

He hears Magnus sigh behind him, the gentle circular motions of him rubbing soap on his scalp was pushing him past the static.

“Alexander, just because you can handle it on your own doesn’t mean you have to. We all know how strong you are and asking for help doesn’t make you any weaker or make you any less of a person. You really could’ve hurt yourself today you know that right? We aren’t punishing you, and we will give you what you need but this does not happen again, do I make myself clear?”

“Yes, Sir, I understand.” He whispers keeping his gaze down and fiddling with the gauze around his fingers Magnus has yet to heal. 

He hears Magnus sigh and his lips kiss the side of his neck, “I love you, my Alexander, always.”

“I love you too Magnus, I promise I’ll come to you next time.”

The rest of their bath goes relatively quickly and just as quietly, and when they start pruning Magnus helps him out, and after drying himself he takes a fluffy towel and dries him off as well. He’s only given another pair of underwear to dress in before he’s following Magnus back into their room.

When they walk in he sees the cane sitting on the table, Jace sitting on the edge of the bed fiddling with his fingers- getting into his own headspace if Alec had to guess. Magnus walks him over to the middle of the room, telling him to stay while he spoke to Jace.

Again he doesn’t hear their conversation only seeing Jace nod and kiss Magnus when it’s over and walking over to him. He watches as Magnus makes his way over to his armchair, settling down and crossing one leg over the other, not a martini in sight.

Jace clears his throat and stands in front of him, “Parabatai, we agreed that when you feel like this, you were to come to one of us. It doesn’t even really have to be us, any one of our friends or Izzy would’ve been fine too but yet you kept it to yourself, going up to that roof and breaking our rules.”

He slides a finger under his collar and tugs gently, “This collar says you belong to us, is that true, Alec?”

“Yes, Parabatai.” He whispers, swallowing hard.

“So tonight we will give you what you need, but let me make this clear this is  _ not _ a punishment Alec, you do not deserve this because you feel like you fucked up. This is happening because you belong to us and we take care of what’s ours.”

He picks up the cane and taps it against his calves, “Why are we here Parabatai?”

With that cue, Alec spreads his legs shoulder-width apart and locks his hands behind his back, “Because I need this.”

“Do you think Magnus and I are inadequate as your dominants or even as your boyfriends?”

Alec shakes his head quickly and firmly, “No Parabatai, I know you two will give me what I need if I ask for it.”

“Therein lies the problem, you didn’t ask. If and when you find yourself needing this again, what will you do?”

“Ask, Parabatai. Ask for help.”

“Is this a punishment?”

“No, this is you giving me what I need.”

“I love you, Alec.”

The change in names and tone set him off a bit but he flicks his eyes up to give him a small smile, “I love you too, Jace. Thank you for this.”

And with that Jace sets up a slow pace on his bottom, bringing the cane down gently before eventually building up the power and hits. He hadn’t asked Alec to count so there’s barely any time for the submissive to brace himself before the next one lands.

They’re at it for what seems like fifteen minutes, Jace decorating his ass and upper thighs so well he could already feel the welts forming. The pain itself feels better than he was expecting, the buzz of it once and for all settling down the voice shouting at him.

It takes a little bit to realize for Alec that  _ this _ is what he had been missing. This feeling of being taken care of and enjoying the bite of a cane is better than shooting arrows and making his fingers bleed and breaking his boyfriend’s hearts. 

He’s just about to call ‘ _ yellow’ _ when Jace finishes, putting the cane down and kissing his shoulder blade. “We’re done Parabatai, you did so well, took everything I gave you.” He mumbles against his skin. 

The praise washes through him and makes his heart jump, glad that his boyfriends (like they said) weren’t pissed at him. 

There’s movement around him then, Magnus holding up a glass of water to his throat while he heals his fingers, “The only marks on you that I want are the ones we give you.” He hears.

Jace himself puts the cane away in their dresser and strips down to his underwear as well, evidence that this scene had exhausted him just as much as it did Alec. They all slide into the bed, Magnus in the middle and bringing both boys close, knowing that each of them was feeling a little disoriented with what just happened.

He feels Magnus press a kiss to his head and watching him repeat it with Jace, feeling his heart and his mark sing with being able to cuddle and take comfort in his boyfriends. 

Sometimes he has bad days, days where it feels like the world is crashing and the voices won’t shut up. But on those days he has to remember he doesn’t have to face everything alone, especially not with his soulmate and love of his life by his side.

**Author's Note:**

> Comment and kudos if you liked? 
> 
> I know I posted two parts to the main series in like 48 hours but probably don't expect this again haha, I'm focusing on my Malec fic that I mentioned last part but I just really had a motivation to write this.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, until next time dears!!!
> 
> Em


End file.
